We were living the dream in the beginning. Just out of college, starting our dream jobs. Life was full and happy and bright! We were in love, had a cute starter apartment, had enough money for our bills (although not much after bills!), and even adopted a couple of pets!
We were so young, just 21 and 22. Barely knew anything about being married. We did have great pre-marital counseling, and we had read and had in depth discussions on many important topics; like debt and money, in-laws, intimacy, children, love and respect.
However, living out what you have learned is an entirely different thing. We quickly fell into predictable patterns, and lost track of our joint goals, while pursuing individual ones. We accomplished great things, but not as we had imagined.
Jared was very involved in his teens, and in developing curriculum for them. He worked 7 days a week, and 3/4 nights a week. I worked Mon-Fri, 8-4pm, tagging on grad school classes 2 nights a week.
Separate schedules, turning into separate lives. As we became more involved in our work, we were less involved in each other. By March of 2010, we had a 5 month old baby, and we were barely more than roommates.
Totally dissatisfied we fought and blamed each other, instead of taking responsibility for our own part in the disillusionment of our marriage. Tears and anger were the fruitless results of many "conversations" these days.
Feeling frustrated with where life had gotten him, Jared began looking into moving his family away, feeling that our close proximity to our parents might be impeding my reliance on him as the leader of our home. I saw that a change was needed, and not wanting to continue this destructive path, I agreed to moving. Jared considered different Seminaries, in which to finish his graduate degree. I put in my resignation from teaching, happy to think about being home with my son.
Jared decided on joining the Army, after about 2 months weighing different options. He felt that a decision like joining would be life altering, and force me to choose my marriage and our family unit over all else. He had felt our marriage crumbling deeply, and placed blame on me not "leaving and cleaving." I knew Jared was considering the military. My father is a retired Naval Officer. I am very proud of him and our country. But I married a pastor, a man opposed to war. He wouldn't really make that big of a change! Or so I thought.
Jared came home one evening and asked to take me out to dinner. We sat down at Olive Garden and I knew something was up. He was happy and excited. I felt nervous, and a little nauseous.
"I enlisted in the United States Army today! For 6 years!" he announced, before we had even gotten our bread sticks. He produced the documents and I read through his contract. It was binding. He was due to report on Oct 5th at Basic Combat Training. It would be Joshua's first birthday. I felt like the bottom of everything had just dropped out from under me. There was no where to go, nothing to hold on to. And noone to hear my silent scream.
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